


Second Date, More Awkward Than the First

by merryghoul



Series: Second Date [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Awkward Dates, Bars and Pubs, F/F, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Missy Being Missy, Paris (City), Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-27 00:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7595626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The date where Missy gets together two of her oldest friends for a proposal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Date, More Awkward Than the First

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dancingsalome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancingsalome/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The First Passion, and the Last](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5192753) by [Dancingsalome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancingsalome/pseuds/Dancingsalome). 



River thought the distress call from the Doctor was an odd one. The coordinates the distress call gave out told her to meet him at the Moulin de la Galette in Montmartre, 1889. River knew there was nothing ominous about the Moulin de la Galette. It was a guinguette. Sometimes people danced there, but mostly it was a restaurant. 

Then she thought maybe there was some sort of alien threat at the Moulin de la Galette. Maybe Sontarans had ruined a dance there. Maybe there were Axons on the windmill there. Maybe there were Daleks, because one never knows when the Daleks would try to invade Earth yet again. 

River set her vortex manipulator to Montmarte so she could help the Doctor. 

 

River noticed nothing strange about the Moulin de la Galette when she arrived. Food was being served as usual. People were dancing. No one seemed to be in distress. Still, she wanted to blend in. She changed into a tan skirt, a white blouse, and a hat more befitting of the time period she was in. 

Nothing at the Moulin de la Galette struck her as odd. That is, until she bumped into Missy, sitting at one of the tables of the Moulin de la Galette, drinking a glass of guinguet. “Well, I'll be bum-swizzled!” she said to River, causing River to turn her head. “If it isn't River Song.” 

“Missy,” River said.

“I thought you'd be pleased to see me. You're not flirting with me the way you usually do.”

“You mean threatening to kill you?”

Missy nodded. “I love it when you stick your blaster near my head. I can't decide what turns me on more—the muzzle by my temple or the muzzle under the neck.” 

“I shouldn't ask why you sent a false distress signal to lure me to Montmarte.”

Missy pouted. “I missed you. And I missed the Doctor.” 

“What are you suggesting, Missy?”

Missy shook her head. “I just wanted to chat to two of my best friends. I have a proposal for the both of you. I thought a sunny day in Montmarte in 1889 would be the best place for the three of us to meet.”

“No catch?”

“No catch.”

“You're not going to randomly shoot someone at the Moulin de la Galette?”

Missy shook her head. 

“Send in your new allies to surround everyone until all your demands are met?”

Missy shook her head again. “But there is one catch.”

“There's always the one catch with you.”

“Look under the table.”

River did as Missy told her to do. Under the table, Missy pointed her device at River.

“You want me to sit down with you or you'll kill me.”

Missy nodded. 

River sat down at Missy's table. “You never change, Missy.” 

“You know I change whenever I like, dear.” Under the table, Missy fiddled with her device. “That's what I like about the Doctor and you. Both of you never minded whenever I made my changes.” She flashed River a huge grin as she poured River a glass of guinguet.

 

River greeted the Doctor with a nervous smile. She thought the last time she'd see the Doctor—the one with the curly gray hair that frowned a lot—would be at Darillium, at the Singing Towers. Her night with him there was over. But that didn't mean she would be heading towards the Library soon. She had all of time and space to get to the Library. As long as she eventually arrived there, the Doctor's timeline would stay intact. 

But River had a date with Missy and this Doctor before, at a cafe in twenty-second century Mars, and under the same circumstances. Missy threatened to kill River with her device under the table, and to get out of the “date,” the Doctor sat with Missy and River at their table. River ordered a couple of bottles of wine. By the time the date was over, Missy and River admitted they had been seeing each other for a while in almost of the Master's incarnations ever since the Master left Gallifrey to terrorize the universe. River and the Doctor left in his TARDIS, with the Doctor intending to drop River off so she could prepare to go to the Library. But River sprayed him with mnemosine recall-wipe vapour before he could set the TARDIS' coordinates to her office at Luna University. When she actually did get back to Luna University, she breathed a sigh of relief; she had once again saved the universe from collapsing on itself because of Missy. River was happy to see the Doctor again, but she knew she shouldn't keep seeing him earlier and earlier in this part of his timeline.

“Hello, sweetie,” River said to the Doctor. “You certainly took your time.”

“He's flying an antique TARDIS,” Missy said to River. “Of course he's going to take his time.”

“Missy, what are you doing here?” the Doctor said.

“Oh, just chatting and having wine with one of my friends.”

“River, you know Missy?”

“It's a long story. And I'll have you know she called me here the same way she called you here.” River tapped the table with her right index finger, to let the Doctor know Missy had her device targeted at River. The Doctor received the hint and winked at River. 

“Did I mention River is one of my _intimate_ friends?”

“Intimate friend? River, what is she talking about?” 

River hated to explain her relationship to the Master again to the Doctor, but she had to in this situation. She took a deep breath. “I've had many lovers. And I've had relations with almost all the incarnations of the Master. All of them except for the one before the Master stole Tremas' body, because that body was lacking a certain something. I'll explain later.” 

_Not like you'll remember it later,_ River thought to herself. 

“Did you bring Clara?” Missy asked.

“No, I didn't bring Clara. She took her Year Sevens to tae kwon do so she couldn't come.” 

“Too bad. You would've liked her, River.”

River nodded. “Probably not in the same way you like her, but I think I'd like her.”

“River...”

“The more, the merrier, sweetie.” 

“Cut to the chase. I gathered you both here so I could propose something to the two of you.” 

“What?” River and the Doctor spoke at the same time. 

Missy pointed to River. “You.” She pointed to the Doctor. “You.” She pointed to the TARDIS. “And me, somewhere inside the antique.”

“You're proposing a threesome?”

Missy nodded. “You can make it as kinky as you like. You know I've been a bad, bad girl, Doctor.” 

The Doctor froze. He backed away from the table. “I need to think about this.” He ran back into the TARDIS. 

Missy laughed. “He'll come back. He's the curious type. He's not going to pass up on the two of us. More guinguet?”

“I suppose, since we'll be waiting a while.” 

In the stillness of the moment after the Doctor ran back into the TARDIS and Missy offered her more wine, River remembered the Doctor mentioning an event he couldn't remember in Darillium. He mentioned lying on the bed and feeling two sets of female hands in an intimate encounter some time before Clara left him. The Doctor assumed those hands were the hands of Clara and her travelling companion, the woman who called herself "Me." Then she realized, after Missy suggested the two of them engage in a threesome, that those hands didn't belong to Clara and Me, but to Missy and herself. The threesome was going to happen. The TARDIS was going to allow it to happen, despite all her negative interactions with the Master in his previous incarnations. It had to happen, in order to preserve the Doctor's timeline.

The Doctor couldn't remember this meeting in Montmarte like he couldn't remember the cafe on Mars. Maybe River would let Missy remember Montmarte and everything after Montmarte like River allowed Missy to remember the date on Mars, as long as Missy promised not to tell the Doctor about this meeting later in her timeline. But the Doctor couldn't remember this at all. Spraying the Doctor with mnemosine recall-wipe vapour was the easy part. The hard part was figuring out when to get the Doctor and the TARDIS away from Missy so she could spray the Doctor with mnemosine recall-wipe vapour. But she'd figure that out later. For now she wondered what was going to happen once the threesome actually started.


End file.
